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英語雙關幽默語集錦

放大字體  縮小字體 發(fā)布日期:2008-01-17
核心提示:1) Customer: Do you serve crabs(螃蟹) here? Waiter: We serve anyone, sit right down. (serve: a.招待;b. 提供,供應) 2) A: What would happen if an eye doctor came into the classroom? B: He'd check the pupils. (pupil: a. 瞳孔; b. 小學生) 3) Pas


    1) Customer: Do you serve crabs(螃蟹) here?

    Waiter:   We serve anyone, sit right down.

    (serve:  a.招待;b. 提供,供應)

    2) A: What would happen if an eye doctor came into the classroom? 

    B: He'd check the pupils.

    (pupil: a. 瞳孔; b. 小學生)

    3) Passenger: Is this my train?

    Conductor: No, sir. It belongs to the railway company.

    Passenger: Don't be funny. Can I take this train to New York?

    Conductor: No, sir, it's much too heavy.

    (take: a. 搭乘; b. 拿走)

    4) Mother:  Your hair needs cutting badly.

    Daughter: I think it needs cutting nicely, it was cut badly last time.

    (badly: a. 非常; b. 壞)

    5) Customer: Waiter, I'm in a hurry. Will the girdle cakes(烙餅) be long?

    Waiter:   No, sir, round.

    (long:  a. 長時間; b. 長的)

    6) A: What's the matter with your thumb (大拇指)?

    B: I hit the wrong nail.

    (nail: a. 指甲; b. 釘子)

    7) A: I have a job in a watch factory.

    B: What do you do?

    A: Just stand around and make faces.

    (make face: a. 制造表盤;b. 作鬼臉)

    8) A: I think your son is spoiled.

    B: I completely disagree with you.

    A: Well, come out and see what a steam roller just did to him.

    (spoil: a. 傷害; b. 寵壞)

    9) Dinner: Waiter, this soup is spoiled.

    Waiter: Who told you.

    Dinner: A little sallow.

    (swallow: a. 吞咽; b. 小燕子)

    10) A: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?

    B: A baseball team.

    (fly: a. 蒼蠅; b. 棒球中的飛球)

    11) Teacher: What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?

    Student: Because it never sits down to eat.

    (lean:  a. 傾斜; b. 瘦弱)

    12) A: Which runs faster, heat or cold?

    B: Heat runs faster, because you can easily catch cold.

    (cold:  a. 冷;b. 與catch一起表示“感冒”)

    13) A: What trees does fire have no effect on?

    B: Ashes.

    (ashes: a. 白蠟樹,桉樹; b. 灰燼 )

    14) A: Why doesn’t a carpenter(木匠) believe there is a stone?

    B: Because they never saw one.

    (saw:  a. 看見; b. 鋸)

    15) A: Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer?

    B: Because he lies on one side, then turns around and lies on the other.

    (lie:  a. 躺著; b. 撒謊)

    16) A: Why are tall men lazy?

    B: Because they lie long.

    (lie long:  a. 長時間睡; b. 躺下時顯得長)

    17) Jugde: Tell me why you parked there.

    Driver: Because, Your Honor, it said “Fine for Parking”

    (fine:  a. 好的; b. 罰款)

    18) Teacher: Tommy, you missed school yesterday, didn't you?

    Tommy: Not a bit, teacher!

    (miss:  a. 想念; b. 錯過,缺課)

    19) A: My uncle kissed me.

    B: How nice! Did you kiss him back, dear?

    A: Of course not. I kissed his face.

    (back:  a. 回復; b. 后背)

    20) A: Tom, you know you can't sleep in class.

    B: I know, sir. But maybe I could, if you were a little quieter.

    (can’t:  a. 不許;b. 沒法,不能)

    21) A: Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? 

    B: Because he wanted to rock and roll. 

    (to rock and roll是跳搖滾舞。但在這兒,搖rock 的是rocking chair,滾 roll的是 wheels。這就造成了一句雙關的趣味。)

    22) A: At what time of day was Adam born? 

    B: Just before Eve. 

    (Eve:  a. 晚間; b. 夏娃) 

    23) A: How many feet are in a yard? 

    B: It depends on how many people are standing in it.

    (feet:  a. 英尺; b. 腳)

    24) A: What kind of man can raise things without lifting them?

    B: A farmer. He can raise pigs, chickens and so on without lifting them.

    (raise:  a. 提高,使升高; b. 喂養(yǎng))

    25) A: What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? 

    B: The ground. 

    (hard:  a. 難的; b. 硬的)

    26) A: What's the hardest thing about learning skating?

    B: The ice.

    (hard:  a. 難的; b. 硬的)

    27) A: Why do some old people never use glasses?

    B: They must like bottles very much.

    (glasses:  a. 眼鏡; b. 玻璃杯)

    28) A: Why is it useless to send a letter to Washington?

    B: Because he's dead.

    (Washington:  a. 人名; b. 地名)

    29) A: Why is an empty matchbox the best thing to have in the world?

    B: Because it is matchless.

    (matchless:  a. 沒有火柴的;b. 舉世無雙的)

    30) A: Why did Little Tom put his brother's guitar in the refrigerator?

    B: Because he enjoyed cool music.

    (cool:  a. 酷的; b. 冷) 

    31) A: What stays hot even if put in a fridge?

    B: Pepper.

    (hot:  a. 辣的; b. 熱的) 

    32) A: What month do soldiers hate? 

    B: March 

    (March:  a. 三月; b. 行軍)

    33) A: Why is an empty purse always the same? 

    B: Because there is no change in it.

    (change:  a. 零錢; b. 變化) 

    34) A: What book has the most stirring chapters?

    B: A cook book. 

    (stirring:  a. 動人的; b. 攪拌的) 

    35) A: What kind of water should people drink in order to be healthy?

    B: Drink well water. 

    (well:  a. 井水; b. 健康的)

    36) A: How do we know the ocean is friendly? 

    B: It waves. 

    (wave:  a. 起波浪; b. 招手致意) 

    37) A: Why is the library the highest building? 

    B: It has the most stories.

    (story:  a. 故事; b. 樓層)

    38) A: What do lawyers do when they die?

    B: Lie still.

    (lie still:  a. 靜靜地躺著; b. 仍然撒謊) 

    39) A: What’s the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole? 

    B: The whole world.

    (difference:  a. 不同; b. 差距)

    40) A: What is the difference between the rising and setting sun? 

    B: A day.

    (difference:  a. 不同; b. 差距)

 

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關鍵詞: 雙關 幽默語 集錦
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