John has posted before on the difficulty of getting small children to put on the clothes you want them to wear. Now comes a reader asking about the same topic but with a daughter in her twenties.

    This recent college grad, one of the many young working people living with their parents these days, has a conservative office wardrobe and the know-how to dress well for job interviews, says this mom. The problem is, she doesn't seem to use either when she gets ready each day for her job at a professional firm. She sometimes goes out the door without stockings, with shirt untucked or wearing a lace camisole, or jewelry better suited, in this mom's view, for Saturday night at a club. Much of what this young woman knows about dressing for the office, this mom writes, 'seems to have left her brain.' Many parents face the same issue with high-school kids, who often embrace styles that send Mom and Dad up the wall.

    Dressing for professional jobs is by no means easy for young women, as the Wall Street Journal's Christina Binkley has written. Casual dress is regarded as less acceptable for women than for men, leaving women to wrestle with a double standard when choosing a wardrobe. Are stockings necessary? Are super-high heels too sexy? In general, fashion seems to be trending toward more mature styles.

    Geraldine Kerr, a Morristown, N.J., marriage and family therapist, suggests opening the door to a respectful adult conversation. This young woman may be facing a dilemma over how to dress professionally without feeling older than her years, Ms. Kerr says. To help her weigh possible solutions, her mom might ask her if others dress casually in the office too, or if she has trouble finding professional clothes that are stylish as well as fashionable. Just listening, and serving as a sounding board, may help this young women find her own solutions.

    Going beyond that, and stepping into the role of advisor, would be risky to a relationship. Making mistakes is part of a young adult's making her own way, says Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author on parenting issues. 'The most painful part is that we mothers can warn, cajole and plead with them but by the time they're in their twenties, we're hard-pressed to change their minds,' she says. The daughter's choices may 'cost her something she may lose out on a promotion or, at the very least, look like an adolescent,' Dr. Meeker says. But 'if she's going to excel … she'll wise up.'

    Readers, have you faced problems guiding your teen or young adult to dress appropriately? What techniques have worked for you?

    我的同事之前曾寫過一篇關(guān)于如何說服小孩子按照家長的意愿穿著打扮的文章�，F(xiàn)在，有一位讀者提出了一個(gè)類似的問題，只不過她的女兒已經(jīng)20多歲了。

    這個(gè)女孩子最近剛剛大學(xué)畢業(yè)，和許多年輕的上班族一樣，她和父母同住。這位母親說，她女兒的衣柜里有很多風(fēng)格保守的職業(yè)裝，并且知道面試時(shí)該如何打扮。但問題在于，她每天去一家正規(guī)公司上班時(shí)，卻穿得很不講究。有時(shí)候，她不穿褲襪就出門，襯衫也不束在里面，或者穿上蕾絲緊身無袖上衣，或者掛著各種首飾，以這個(gè)媽媽的眼光看來，像是周六去酒吧玩而不是去上班。上班時(shí)應(yīng)該如何穿著得體的大部分知識“似乎都已經(jīng)被拋到九霄云外去了”，這個(gè)媽媽寫道。許多孩子正上高中的父母也面臨同樣的問題，這些孩子經(jīng)常穿著奇裝異服，讓他們的父母極為惱火。

    本報(bào)記者克里斯蒂納•賓克利(Christina Binkley)曾寫道，對年輕女性來說，選擇職業(yè)著裝并不是容易的事情。女人穿著休閑比男人這么做更難以讓人接受，這令女性在選擇衣著時(shí)面臨雙重標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的問題，經(jīng)常搖擺不定。穿褲襪有沒有必要？高跟鞋是不是太性感了？等等等等�？傮w而言，流行時(shí)尚似乎正在傾向于更成熟的風(fēng)格。

    紐約州莫里斯敦的吉拉汀•科爾(Geraldine Kerr)是一位婚姻及家庭咨詢師，她建議父母要在此問題上與子女進(jìn)行平等對話�？茽栒f，那個(gè)女孩子可能面臨一個(gè)難題，既想穿著正式，又不想看上去很老氣。為幫助她做出權(quán)衡，女孩的母親可以問她是否辦公室里的其他同事也穿得比較隨意，或者她是不是找不到既得體又時(shí)尚的正裝。通過傾聽和平等探討，可能就會幫助這個(gè)女孩找到適合自己的選擇。

    然而，如果再進(jìn)一步，對孩子的選擇指手劃腳，則可能會給兩代人之間的關(guān)系帶來風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。兒科醫(yī)生及育兒領(lǐng)域作家麥格•米克爾(Meg Meeker)說，年輕人犯錯(cuò)誤，也是他們自己成長的一種方式。“最痛苦的在于，我們這些做母親的可以警告、勸說甚至懇求孩子們別去做什么，但等他們到了20多歲，我們說什么都沒用。”麥格說道。那個(gè)女孩子的穿著選擇可能“會讓她失去一些東西，比如晉升機(jī)會等，或者至少會讓她看起來很孩子氣。” 麥格醫(yī)生說，“如果她想出人頭地…就會慢慢明白這個(gè)道理的。”

    各位讀者，你有沒有同樣的問題，需要引導(dǎo)自己十幾歲或已經(jīng)成年的孩子穿著得體？有沒有效果不錯(cuò)的技巧呢？