Sex is what life is all about. Every high street is dominated by shops selling clothes to make you sexier, beauty products to make you more attractive, cars to make you stand out, books promising you wit at the turn of a page. If you really look at life with a cynical eye, it’s all about being better than the next person, top of the heap, the alpha male/female, the most sexually appealing. So, if you really don’t want sex, is the world just not your sort of place? Not straight, bisexual or gay, Fyne Times takes a look at the fourth option.

“Being asexual is not being celibate” says Greg immediately, as if to set the record straight before we go any further, “I don’t choose not to have sex, I just don’t want it!” Greg is 32, perfectly healthy in every way and certainly not unattractive. But for the past six years, he has opted out of sex altogether, something any psychologist would probably worry about! Yet Greg is convinced that far from having a problem, he is simply following his own natural born sexuality. “The difference between celibacy and asexuality is simply the desire. If you are celibate, you are making the effort not to do something that you really want to do. I don’t want to do it in the first place!”

Like many LGBT’s, it was in his teenage years that Greg discovered he was different to other kids his age. “At about the age of fourteen, my mates started to cover themselves in deodorant, slick their hair down and start to get really loud and boastful when any girls were around. It’s not that I was scruffy or didn’t care how I looked, but when I combed my hair I was doing it for me, not to attract a girl.” By the time Greg was 18, he still hadn’t lost his virginity. Although not really desiring it, the peer pressure he was under made him feel as though sex was something he needed to do to be considered ‘human’. “I eventually got a girlfriend who was an admin assistant in the factory where I worked. The actual sex thing wasn’t much to write home about, but I loved the feeling the next day when I walked into work knowing I was at last part of the real world”.

For a few years, Greg carried on having girlfriends, but something was still amiss. While his sex life was certainly very healthy, his motivation to go out and find a girl was starting to dwindle. “I was in my local pub one night with all my other mates and there was a girl who was looking at me all night. I just thought to myself, ‘why am I going to go over and talk to her? What do I really want?’ I thought a bit more about it and realised that I wanted sex because it made me feel needed, not because I actually enjoyed it. As long as I was having sex, I was ‘normal’.” Over a period of a few months, Greg decided not to seek a partner and to simply do the things he wanted to do. When he met a man who labelled himself ‘asexual’, Greg realised that he was too.

Asexuality is a fast growing sexual preference. In a world that is screaming out that sex should be everybody’s raison d’etre, a large number of males, females, gays, bisexuals and heterosexuals are deciding that for them, sex just isn’t that big a deal. Figures prove that more people are becoming asexual, even if they don’t realise what it is! In surveys on sexual orientation, the number of people who ticked the ‘not interested in either gender’ box has risen from 1% in 1994 to 3% today. At that rate of growth, it won’t be long before there are as many asexual people in the UK as there are homosexual.

There is a correlation between the emergence of this new fourth sexuality and that of the gay movement some sixty years earlier. Whilst not on the same level as the suffering of the early gay rights advocates, prejudice is still very much a part of an asexual’s life. “My mates think I have got a problem and often suggest viagra! My parents are let down at the idea of no grandchildren. Sex is like chocolate; when you meet somebody who doesn’t like it, you go ‘what? No, you must like it! Everybody likes it!’” Some religious leaders have also spoken out against fourth sexuality. A US Christian organisation recently stated that ‘sexuality is a gift from God thus a fundamental part of human existence’. The remarks came in the annual magazine of the National Religious Vocation Conference and even suggested that an asexual was simply ‘not a person’.

Scientifically, asexuality has mostly been discussed in relation to plants, worms and other creatures that don’t need to have sex to replicate themselves. While the academic community are obsessed with who finds who sexually attractive and why, the concept of not finding anybody attractive seems to have passed most scientists by. But there are a few studies about asexuality out there. In the 1990’s a study of sheep in Idaho showed that about 10% of rams weren’t interested in ewes at all. Any dairy farmer will also note the rather unimpressed reaction of cows when a bull is introduced to the herd! In the animal kingdom, asexuality definitely exists.

But aren’t asexuals setting themselves up for a very lonely life? Greg disagrees. “There is no reason why I can’t have a girlfriend and even get married. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could have kids. It would only mean doing it once or twice, which isn’t too much of a stress! To be honest, what I want from life is a close companion, like the sort older widows and widowers have, somebody to share your life with, comfort and respect but not necessarily sleep with. Whether it is a man or a woman doesn’t really matter either. When I find somebody who feels like the other half of me, then I will stick by them and be committed, whoever they are. It’s actually not restrictive at all if you think about it. Any person of any age or any sex could be the person I spend the rest of my life with!”

To those whose lives do not have to include sex, the new asexual movement has opened up a whole new community. AVEN is a web forum devoted specifically to asexuals and is one of the first ‘community’ based organisations. On their site, other asexuals can discuss their condition and celebrate who they are, again mirroring the valuable outlet for the gay community that the worldwide web provides. In one such forum, a group in the USA have even speculated about the idea of setting up an ‘asexual bar’ where like minded people can mix freely and meet other people just like themselves. How long before there is an asexual pride? Greg smiles at the question. “Not long, I am sure. Everyone should have the right to shout what they are from the rooftops, let the world know that they exist and demand tolerance. Sexuality is no longer about whom you sleep with, but also who you don’t!”

性是生命的所有意義。主宰著每條繁華街道的店家，總是在向你推銷著讓你更性感的衣服，讓你更吸引人的化妝品，讓你更出位的香車，保證讓你立馬變聰明的書籍。如果你用憤世嫉俗的眼光來看待生活，其意義全在于超越身邊的人，出類拔萃，成為人中龍鳳，最具性感魅力的人。所以，當(dāng)你真的不想要性，是否這世界不是適合你的地方呢？不是異性戀，也不是雙性戀或者同性戀，菲莫時(shí)代帶你領(lǐng)略“第四種選擇”的世界。

“無性戀者并不等于獨(dú)身主義者”，在訪談開始前，格雷格馬上跟我們澄清了這個(gè)定義，“我并沒有選擇不性交，我只是不想性交！”

格雷格三十二歲，從任何方面來講都非常健康，絕非不吸引人。六年來，卻自愿選擇放棄所有性生活，這在任何心理醫(yī)生聽來大概都有問題！而格雷格卻自信自己只是在遵從自己天生的性傾向，絕非有什么問題。“獨(dú)身主義和無性戀的區(qū)別只是在于欲望。如果你是獨(dú)身主義者，你只是努力避免去做一件你很想做的事，而我打從一開始就壓根不想要這么做！”

就像很多LGBT（指性少數(shù)派，包括L女同性戀G男同性戀B雙性戀T變性人），格雷格在青少年時(shí)代就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己與同齡人不同。“大概十四歲時(shí)，我的伙伴們開始把自己的滿身噴滿除臭劑，把頭法抿的服服帖帖，只要女孩子一來，就開始大聲的自夸起來。倒不是說我很邋遢或者不注意自我儀表，但我梳頭就只是為了我自己，而并非為了吸引女孩子。”直至十八歲，格雷格尚且還是處男之身。雖然并非自愿，來自周圍人的壓力還是他覺得非要行此大禮方才能被當(dāng)成“人”看。“最終我還是找了一個(gè)女朋友，她在我工作的工廠做行政助理。真正的性事并不值得大書特書，但我很享受第二天我去上班時(shí)，那種終于融入社會(huì)的感覺。”

曾經(jīng)有幾年，格雷格不斷地結(jié)交女朋友，但總有些不順心。雖然他的性生活完全正常健康，促使他出去找個(gè)女孩的動(dòng)機(jī)卻開始衰退。“有一次我跟我的哥們?nèi)ノ壹腋浇�的酒吧，那兒有一個(gè)女孩整晚都在盯著我看。我卻在自我反思：我為什么要過去跟她打招呼呢？我真正想要的是什么？越想得多我漸漸就發(fā)現(xiàn)，我需要性只是因?yàn)樗�使我覺得自己被需要，而我自己卻并不樂于此事。但只要我有性生活，我就是正常人。”有幾個(gè)月，格雷格決定不再去尋找伴侶，而去做自己想做的事。當(dāng)他遇到了一個(gè)自我標(biāo)榜為無性戀的男人時(shí)，格雷格意識到他自己也是。

無性戀是一種正在快速增漲的性傾向。在一個(gè)無時(shí)無刻不在向人們宣稱性是人生的終極意義的世界里，一部分為數(shù)甚眾的男男女女，同性戀雙性戀或異性戀開始覺得性對他們來說不再是什么了不起的事。數(shù)據(jù)證明越來越多的人正在成為無性戀，甚至在完全不了解這個(gè)概念的情況下！在關(guān)于性傾向的調(diào)查中，勾選“對任何性別都不感興趣”的人數(shù)從1994年的1%增加至現(xiàn)在的3%。以此增速，不久之后，英國就會(huì)有跟同性戀數(shù)目同樣眾多的無性戀者。這股新崛起的第四性潮流跟六十多年前的同性戀運(yùn)動(dòng)有關(guān)。雖不至于遭受早期同志權(quán)利提倡者的磨難，但是偏見仍然是無性戀者生活的一部分。“我的哥們們認(rèn)為我有問題，常常向我推薦偉哥！我的父母因?yàn)闆]有孫子孫女而失望。性就好比是巧克力，當(dāng)你遇到有人說他不喜歡巧克力，你就會(huì)說“什么？！不，你怎么會(huì)不喜歡！人人都喜歡！”一些宗教領(lǐng)袖也公開表示反對第四性。一個(gè)美國基督教組織最近開始宣稱“性是上帝賜予的禮物，是人類存在的基本要素。”一篇發(fā)表于全國宗教職業(yè)會(huì)年刊的文章甚至說無性戀者根本就“不是人”。

科學(xué)意義上講，無性通常涉及的是一些植物，蠕蟲以及其他不需要性來實(shí)現(xiàn)繁殖的生物。當(dāng)學(xué)術(shù)團(tuán)體沉迷于“誰覺得誰有性吸引力和為什么”，大部分科學(xué)家都忽視了“不覺得任何人有性吸引力”這個(gè)概念。但也確實(shí)有一些發(fā)表了的關(guān)于無性戀的研究。九十年代，一份愛達(dá)荷州的調(diào)查表顯示有大概10%的公羊?qū)δ秆蛲耆�不感興趣。任何職業(yè)牧民也會(huì)注意到當(dāng)公牛被引入牛群時(shí)，母牛那種相當(dāng)漠視的反應(yīng)。在動(dòng)物王國中，無性戀絕對存在。

但是難道無性戀者們不會(huì)打算終身孤獨(dú)嗎？格雷格并不同意，“完全沒有理由否定我將會(huì)找一個(gè)女朋友甚至結(jié)婚。如果我愿意的話，我相信我一定會(huì)有小孩。但那意味著性只是偶爾為之，而不會(huì)形成壓力。說實(shí)話，我真正想要的生活是有一個(gè)親密的伴侶，有點(diǎn)像那些老鰥夫和寡婦之間的關(guān)系。與之共享此生，彼此安慰，尊重，但不一定要上床，是男是女也并不重要。當(dāng)我找到了我的另一半，我會(huì)寸步不離的陪伴著他/她，并忠心不二，不管他/她是誰。如果你想想看的話，這完全沒有限制。任何年齡的任何人都可能成為我愿意共度余生的另一半！”

對于那些生活中不想有性的人來說，這種新的無性戀運(yùn)動(dòng)為他們打開了一個(gè)全新的圈子。AVEN（the Asexual Visibility and Education Network無性戀曝光度和教育網(wǎng)）是一個(gè)專門面向無性戀的網(wǎng)絡(luò)論壇，并且是第一個(gè)基于“（無性戀）圈子”的組織之一。在其站點(diǎn)上，無性戀者可以交換彼此的感受，并為自己引以為豪。同時(shí)也反襯出同志群體在世界范圍網(wǎng)絡(luò)上極高的曝光度。一個(gè)來自美國的團(tuán)體甚至考慮要建立一個(gè)“無性戀酒吧”，在那里想法一致的人們可以自由交往并且遇到跟自己相同的人。離舉行一場“無性戀大游行”還有多遠(yuǎn)呢？聽到這個(gè)問題時(shí)，格雷格笑了：“不會(huì)很久了，我敢說。每個(gè)人都有站在樓頂大聲喊出自己是誰的權(quán)力，讓世界知道他們的存在，并寬容以待。性傾向不再是只關(guān)于你跟誰上床，也同樣關(guān)于跟誰你也不上床！”